Rusty Nail.

Rusty Nail.

A few days ago, Brad joined me upstairs in the bathroom as I applied my makeup.
She picked out colors she wanted me to use, and we chatted about this and that.
“Why are you getting ready, anyway?”
“I’m going to a concert tonight,” I said.
“Really? Who are you going to see?”
“Passion Pit.”
Her eyes got wide, and she yelled, “PASSION PIT?! ARE THEY GOING TO PLAY SLEEPYHEAD?”
I was laughing then.. And really wished that I could bring her along.
I promised that next time we spoke, I would let her know all about it.
Then we had a dance party.
Yesterday morning, she raced upstairs, and before saying hello, asked, “How was Passion Pit?!”
I got to show her this..
(thanks, 2012)

We watched about 4 times before she said, “Oh, Dad sent me up here to ask if you wanted to have breakfast with us.”
I couldn’t because I was helping Jessica set up for her twins’ birthday party, a party she was attending.

I can’t believe they’re one already.

One of these children isn’t allowed to eat gluten.
This photograph shouldn’t make me laugh the way it does..
But it’s quite clearly hilarious.

My little sidekick, Saoirse, wanted in front of my camera.

There’s something about the two of us..
We’ve got a good thing going.

She wanted me to accompany her to the bathroom.
I assured her that I could wait just outside, but she insisted I stay.
“I just have to go *one* poop,” she let me know while she was on the toilet. “Just one.”

Something about bathroom light, though, right??

Jessica’s cousin, Sophie, wanted a little Cass Time, too.

She spent a few minutes telling me secrets, and laughing uncontrollably.

Don’t tell her I told you, but…

1) Her brother got really mad once, and pulled down his pants and showed his butt.
(she does not behave the same way when agitated)
2) She puked in her sleep a whole bunch, and didn’t even know it.
3) She fell into a polar bear cage once, and it attacked her, and took off her ring finger.
When questioned about the finger that still, in my eyes, remained on her left hand, she explained that it had been re-attached.

I’m not really sure about that third one.
Her timelines weren’t matching up.
I’m going to have to contact some sort of fact-checker.

Samantha’s littlest, Oisin, could have been the culprit.

After the party, I went to work.
It was there I realized that it was the 20th anniversary of my mother’s death.
It always sneaks up on me..
But this one was a big one! 20 years?

When I was 16, I stole my brother’s car, and tried to drive to Pennsylvania. (don’t ask)
The whole way, things were telling us to stop.
We got pulled over, then let go..
We realized my friend had forgotten her contact solution, so we stopped at a gas station in the middle of nowhere..
The man looked concerned, and asked to write something on my hand..
It was in Punjabi, and when I looked confused he said, “God.”
We ran about 5 red lights in a row in Chicago, and at 6am, decided to come back home.
Our parents were not thrilled, and neither was Juan.
A few days later, I realized that it had been the third anniversary of her death.
I have struggled with believing she was there protecting me.
But if I’m being honest, I feel her at all kinds of times in my life.

Last night at work, I started to dwell a bit on missing her.
Missing them both.
A coworker startled me out of my head..
“Do you know how to make a Rusty Nail?”
My dad’s favorite drink.
No one ever drinks those.

‘Hi, pop,’ I said inside my head.
I walked to the kitchen with some dirty dishes, and goddamn Sledgehammer, by Peter Gabriel, blasted on the stereo.
I don’t know how many times my dad played that shitty song, and bobbed his head like a lunatic.
He’s got jokes, that man.

I don’t want to believe in ghosts because I would want those I’ve lost to haunt me all the time.
I guess that way, it would be like they never left.

My parents haunt me just enough, I think.