“I’m Not Disappointed, Just ANGRY.”-Pike, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, circa 1997

“I’m Not Disappointed, Just ANGRY.”-Pike, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, circa 1997

I must admit that when I started this blog, I was full throttle, ready to post every day, totally into it. Not unlike most things I attack in life. And like most things I attack in life, I got all up in my head about it, paralyzing myself with fear, thus penblocking any thoughts I’ve had on this weight loss process. Well, block be gone, you frivolous son of a bitch! I won’t stand for it!

As I mentioned previously, I had been getting delivery diet foods from a company that shall remain unnamed. (Because I’m about to criticize the shit out of them.) They were fresh foods, delivered once a week, were relatively cheap, and fed me for five out of seven days. This option seemed doable to me for a number of reasons. The major reason being that I am an extremely social person, and the activities I choose to take part in revolve around food. Dinner parties, lunch dates, drinks and apps, etc.. I also thought it would be a viable way to teach myself how to eat like a skinny person when out in the wild.

This has both worked and not worked. As most things do. It worked because I didn’t have to think too much about meals I would have to create on my own, and would give me a chance to look at all of the food I would be eating during the day. For five days. That’s about the only way it worked, I suppose. The way it hasn’t worked is that though I told myself otherwise, the food was less than exciting. It was mostly flavorless(some of it I actually had to choke down), lacking in real substance, and under the guise that it was healthy. I’m sure it was relatively healthy, going by my previous food standards, but overall, I’ve decided this was not the case. Each day served three meals, and a snack. (The snack always seemed to be the least healthy of the bunch. Pirate’s Booty? Salty Booty.) To which I was to add three servings of fruit(for fiber) and two servings of fat free dairy. I stuck to skim milk. The tedious nature of the quality of the food had me looking elsewhere. This is where the anger as opposed to disappointment comes in.

I began throwing away a good portion of the meals during the week to make other choices that weren’t always the best ones. Especially when I came across a meal that was particularly disgusting.(lemon chicken is so pedestrian that it makes my skin crawl) I noticed that a lot of these meals had the distinct flavor of vinegar, too. Which is fine for sometimes. Not most times. I have lost a great deal of weight since January. Upwards of 30 pounds. I have no doubt in my mind that it could have been more if I didn’t hate what I was eating. Also if I had joined a gym since then. (something that’s on the docket for this afternoon) That’s okay, though. No regrets. I have not strayed too far from my new lifestyle, and only had one binge eating extravaganza in these short four months. (advice to you? don’t ever order Girl Scout cookies. they are the devil. i don’t care how cute the kid is.) As someone who always thought I never craved sweets, my old age has decided to go against everything I believed. I’ll conquer that, too. The Beezlebub Biscuits are now out of the house, and down my gullet. Oh, Caramel Delights, we had a time, didn’t we? Alas, we could never be together for the long haul. You’re kind of an asshole, to be honest. All self-righteous and vain.¬† I’ve grown.¬† I’m over you. I need some space, like, get outta my face, alright?

I needed a revamping. A new attack on my overly curvaceous figure. My brother has gotten unusually svelte as of late. How? He quit drinking and only eats two meals a day. He also doesn’t eat meat. One of his meals is usually a sleeve of Saltines and a half a tub of Sabra hummus. Though delicious as that may be, not that healthy. Where are your vegetables, Broheim? (judgments) This, decidedly, will not work for me. I have a friend that eats small things at two hour intervals. This will not work for me either. Perusing the internet, I found an interview with my fantasy boyfriend(we’ll talk about this nonsense some other time) talking about the meal service he receives while on tour. Freshology. I will name drop the aitch out of them, because I absolutely am in love. It’s about $50 more per week than the Ol’ Dirty, but so worth it I don’t even know where to begin.

I ordered two weeks of meals a couple of weeks ago.¬† Because of the price, and not knowing how things would pan out, I decided to keep the fresh stuff on for an extra week. (Freshology’s Silver program is actually frozen.. Irony.) When the box came, I was thrilled. The packaging even turns me on a little bit. Guise. Guise! It comes with dry ice. DRY ICE! The plastics they use are eco-friendlier, and just looking from the outside, the food was more colorful. Instead of salty snacks, Freshology has dessert. Like tofu cheesecake. How in the world am I supposed to go back to that other mess for a whole week?¬† (i’ll manage) (when i called to cancel, the guy talked me into putting it on hiatus for a few weeks instead of full on cancellation. i told him i was sick of it, and not so much that i hated it. weak.)

Here is my first breakfast with Freshology. A turkey hash omelet with plantains and flaxseed crackers. Uhm. LOOK AT IT. It doesn’t tell you that it’s flavored with Indian spices, nor that the plantains are so artfully seasoned/cooked that they melt in your mouth.

So, onwards and upwards. Or downwards and inwards, as it were. I have a feeling that I’m going to have to make some drastic changes along the way as I relax myself into my sedentary nature yet again. The goal is to keep pushing, and keep making changes when things don’t work. To not get discouraged, but to find a way that does work. Not forever, just for now. Maybe someday, someone will want to go kill some vampires with me, instead of going to stupid prom.